Rhys confesses, gaze dropping to the table in front of him,
"It was different, I think. Anyone showing weakness at Hyperion would have been asking for a knife in the back, and on Pandora-- nowhere was ever safe, and we never stopped moving. If something awful happened somewhere, the chances are that you'll never see that place again, or something just as awful would just happen at the next place you landed, and then you'd have to run from that and smack face first into a brave new thing that also completely sucks."
He offers Elijah an apologetic shrug.
"It's different here. There's-- nothing to do but sit with those feelings. Reflect."
The word weakness drops right into the pit of his stomach like a stone,
and he challenges himself not to take it personally. He isn't wrong,
after all - what is it when you can't bring yourself to tolerate being
somewhere for the length of time it takes to eat a meal? Weakness.
Obviously.
Not even for a second does it cross Rhys's mind that this answer might suggest anything preferable about being traumatized in a place where you can never show it on pain of death, than to being traumatized on the Barge where you can just have a breakdown about it like a normal person.
Which means he completely misses the weight of his words, as they hit Elijah.
"I actually think-- what you're doing. Unpacking it, facing it. I know it has to be harder than that."
"I think-- that's part of why it's tough." He answers softly, "I landed here with a bunch of-- stuff already in place, in my brain, to just keep going when people are trying to kill me. I'm really glad you never needed that back home, but-- it sucks having to figure it out."
Rhys reaches across to pick up Elijah's plate. There's still kind of a lot of food there, and he remembers acutely how much weight Elijah lost last time.
"Should we bring this back to your cabin? You might wake up hungry later..."
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timeasmymeasure
Spam
Date: 2019-12-02 11:37 pm (UTC)Rhys confesses, gaze dropping to the table in front of him,
"It was different, I think. Anyone showing weakness at Hyperion would have been asking for a knife in the back, and on Pandora-- nowhere was ever safe, and we never stopped moving. If something awful happened somewhere, the chances are that you'll never see that place again, or something just as awful would just happen at the next place you landed, and then you'd have to run from that and smack face first into a brave new thing that also completely sucks."
He offers Elijah an apologetic shrug.
"It's different here. There's-- nothing to do but sit with those feelings. Reflect."
Re: Spam
Date: 2019-12-03 08:16 am (UTC)The word weakness drops right into the pit of his stomach like a stone, and he challenges himself not to take it personally. He isn't wrong, after all - what is it when you can't bring yourself to tolerate being somewhere for the length of time it takes to eat a meal? Weakness. Obviously.
"...Of course. You're right."
Re: Spam
Date: 2019-12-05 08:26 pm (UTC)Which means he completely misses the weight of his words, as they hit Elijah.
"I actually think-- what you're doing. Unpacking it, facing it. I know it has to be harder than that."
Re: Spam
Date: 2019-12-05 08:33 pm (UTC)"I have no frame of reference," he says quietly. "Of course."
He looks down at his plate. He hasn't finished his meal, but his appetite has drained.
"...I should go."
Re: Spam
Date: 2019-12-05 09:00 pm (UTC)Rhys reaches across to pick up Elijah's plate. There's still kind of a lot of food there, and he remembers acutely how much weight Elijah lost last time.
"Should we bring this back to your cabin? You might wake up hungry later..."
Re: Spam
Date: 2019-12-05 09:37 pm (UTC)Elijah shakes his head minutely.
"I have some shelf-stable items in storage if I get hungry. This won't be any good once it gets cold."
But he hears what isn't being said.
"I'm taking better care of myself, Rhys."
Re: Spam
Date: 2019-12-05 10:08 pm (UTC)He puts the plate down again, between them, looking down a little.
"I just-- I didn't know how to help, last time. I-- obviously still don't know how to help."
And he always feels like he's making it worse somehow.
Re: Spam
Date: 2019-12-05 10:16 pm (UTC)"Rhys, I'm not asking you to help me."
He pushes his chair back, rises to his feet.
"It's honestly more than enough that you're tolerating me while I try to help myself."