Elijah nods at that, once, then reaches into his pocket and rummages
through his communicator for a particular conversation.
He places it on the table between them and sips his water.
"...I had a conversation with Gortys which clarified my thinking," he says,
eventually. "She questioned why I hadn't programmed my androids to be
inherently good or evil; I told her that defeated the point of them having
free will, of being inherently people. The element of choice. It
seemed reasonable that I extend that to another human, despite my..."
"I understand that what you did before was create a situation harmful to
inmates, because your wardenship was making your own inmate's condition
worse."
"Steve had- a pretty severe case of PTSD. And while I tried to talk to him about it pretty often, he just brushed me off. Kept the conversation about nothing. Met with me for breakfast every day and politely discussed the goings on on the boat. This until he had a flashback so severe he killed someone." And pinching the bridge of his nose. "It says something about this place that I genuinely don't remember who, but it was a full on, uncontrolled, violent snap- and I logged online to let people know it wasn't a psychotic murderer but an inmate in crisis, and commented to the other wardens that how the fuck are people supposed to graduate when they're weighed down with trauma and no one here is doing shit to help them with it? In my head it made sense to protect him from community retaliation. He experienced it as such a major violation of his privacy that I don't even really tell the whole story any more, and he graduated at least a year ago."
"So you attempted to facilitate his escape, it didn't work, and you were
demoted," Elijah concludes, altogether confident that anything Quentin has
to add is simply background color.
"So I offered him the chance to change wardens, and he said no. He didn't trust me any more, but he'd rather not go through the trouble."
He corrects, holding him back.
"I couldn't do it. I couldn't be there, doing nothing for him. And he'd been abandoned by so many people that me insisting would have fucked him up badly. It was break him out, get demoted, or get left forever in this dead end relationship of him drowning slowly while I idly watch and try to encourage him to talk about his feelings. And if this doesn't resonate, you aren't paying attention."
"If you're expecting it to, you aren't either," Elijah remarks. "I haven't
been abandoned by anyone. My trauma does not seem as...deeply seated. And
I don't consider my relationship with you to have been damaged, although I
appreciate the reverse is true."
"I don't know if we even have a relationship, Elijah. I'm socially inept at the best of times, and you're fucking impenetrable? For all I know I could just be someone who brings you food and trusts you a convenient amount?"
Because;
"Apparently I'm definitely not someone whose welfare matters to you."
He points out, with a shake of his head. Doesn't count.
"I've insinuated myself into your calendar, and accomplished very little else. Gortys loves you, and I can tell you care about her? Jesus, Rhys is free- sometimes the whole dating an inmate thing works great."
We talk by common consent, Elijah doesn't say. We talk because I
agree to participate. We talk because you're extremely intelligent and in
spite of myself, I enjoy it.
"Even if there was any guarantee that my next warden would be someone I
would choose, and we both appreciate that there is not - do you really
think my better option would be one of two people whose...affection for me
might color their judgement?"
"I don't accept your apology because I cannot accept your culpability,"
Elijah says crisply. "There is nothing you did that would have made me
more likely to respond to the given situations in the way that I had."
"I don't talk to you because you insist on it," he goes on. "If I didn't
want to speak to you, I simply wouldn't, regardless of proximity. Over
time, Rhys' extroversion would grate on me and Gortys' inability to be
actively confrontational would allow me to settle into old patterns without
challenge. The availability of bio-cybernetics would always have led me
to experiment without regards to the ethics, because I had never approached
any experiment from an ethical standpoint."
He says, breathing out hard enough that it's almost a laugh.
"Look, would you please begin? You don't have to agree with it, just take it as an intellectual exercise. As a muscle you're developing in advance of graduation, even if you don't organically perceive the need for it right now. Hippocratic oath. Full and informed consent."
Elijah blinks slowly. Honestly, this whole experience is...novel. He's
never had to consider the consequences of his actions on anything but an
abstract, macroscopic level. He could watch the riots and discontent on TV
from a hundred miles away, and then turn it off and enjoy the endless
silence of his estate. Up against the raw face of Quentin's betrayal,
exposed without barriers to his pain and anger, it's...
Unsettling.
He glances at his communicator, his message to Barnes; yes. He's doing
that. Call it a lesson in aversion if nothing else.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:27 pm (UTC)Agrees Quentin, sinking into his seat;
"I've been there." And they don't need to talk about it. "Now that we're here, I'm finding I don't really know what to say."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:34 pm (UTC)Elijah nods at that, once, then reaches into his pocket and rummages through his communicator for a particular conversation. He places it on the table between them and sips his water.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:38 pm (UTC)"Elijah."
Bucky hasn't given him the 'yes' yet, but that he even asked.
"Thank you."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:41 pm (UTC)"...I had a conversation with Gortys which clarified my thinking," he says, eventually. "She questioned why I hadn't programmed my androids to be inherently good or evil; I told her that defeated the point of them having free will, of being inherently people. The element of choice. It seemed reasonable that I extend that to another human, despite my..."
Ugh. Emotional expression.
"....fears."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:43 pm (UTC)He asks, looking up, as he finishes reading.
"If I make a formal request, the Admiral will usually accommodate ending a partnership."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:46 pm (UTC)Elijah looks up, his expression impenetrably blank.
"Are you asking me if I would prefer another warden or telling me that you would prefer another inmate?"
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:48 pm (UTC)He says, and pulls his glasses off, to clean them.
"I've done this before. This exact thing. It ended in multiple fatalities. I've regretted it for years. We should- have a conversation."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:50 pm (UTC)"I understand that what you did before was create a situation harmful to inmates, because your wardenship was making your own inmate's condition worse."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 01:55 pm (UTC)He says, and sips his tonic.
"Steve had- a pretty severe case of PTSD. And while I tried to talk to him about it pretty often, he just brushed me off. Kept the conversation about nothing. Met with me for breakfast every day and politely discussed the goings on on the boat. This until he had a flashback so severe he killed someone." And pinching the bridge of his nose. "It says something about this place that I genuinely don't remember who, but it was a full on, uncontrolled, violent snap- and I logged online to let people know it wasn't a psychotic murderer but an inmate in crisis, and commented to the other wardens that how the fuck are people supposed to graduate when they're weighed down with trauma and no one here is doing shit to help them with it? In my head it made sense to protect him from community retaliation. He experienced it as such a major violation of his privacy that I don't even really tell the whole story any more, and he graduated at least a year ago."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 02:00 pm (UTC)"So you attempted to facilitate his escape, it didn't work, and you were demoted," Elijah concludes, altogether confident that anything Quentin has to add is simply background color.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 02:11 pm (UTC)He corrects, holding him back.
"I couldn't do it. I couldn't be there, doing nothing for him. And he'd been abandoned by so many people that me insisting would have fucked him up badly. It was break him out, get demoted, or get left forever in this dead end relationship of him drowning slowly while I idly watch and try to encourage him to talk about his feelings. And if this doesn't resonate, you aren't paying attention."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 02:15 pm (UTC)"If you're expecting it to, you aren't either," Elijah remarks. "I haven't been abandoned by anyone. My trauma does not seem as...deeply seated. And I don't consider my relationship with you to have been damaged, although I appreciate the reverse is true."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 02:30 pm (UTC)Because;
"Apparently I'm definitely not someone whose welfare matters to you."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 02:33 pm (UTC)Trusted, he thinks, but again doesn't bother.
"...We talk," Elijah points out. "That's more of a relationship than I've had with anyone I haven't personally created in the previous decade."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 02:38 pm (UTC)He points out, with a shake of his head. Doesn't count.
"I've insinuated myself into your calendar, and accomplished very little else. Gortys loves you, and I can tell you care about her? Jesus, Rhys is free- sometimes the whole dating an inmate thing works great."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 02:41 pm (UTC)We talk by common consent, Elijah doesn't say. We talk because I agree to participate. We talk because you're extremely intelligent and in spite of myself, I enjoy it.
"Even if there was any guarantee that my next warden would be someone I would choose, and we both appreciate that there is not - do you really think my better option would be one of two people whose...affection for me might color their judgement?"
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 02:58 pm (UTC)Sinking down, deeply unhappy and uncertain, completely unaware of the reassurances Elijah isn't offering out loud.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 03:00 pm (UTC)"You didn't see that my - trauma - would push me to a point where I would take advantage of you."
He sips his water.
"I can't fault you for that. Until I realized I had an opportunity, I didn't either."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 03:02 pm (UTC)He says, and swallows, hard.
"I'm sorry."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 03:12 pm (UTC)"I don't accept your apology because I cannot accept your culpability," Elijah says crisply. "There is nothing you did that would have made me more likely to respond to the given situations in the way that I had."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 03:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 03:25 pm (UTC)"I don't talk to you because you insist on it," he goes on. "If I didn't want to speak to you, I simply wouldn't, regardless of proximity. Over time, Rhys' extroversion would grate on me and Gortys' inability to be actively confrontational would allow me to settle into old patterns without challenge. The availability of bio-cybernetics would always have led me to experiment without regards to the ethics, because I had never approached any experiment from an ethical standpoint."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 03:28 pm (UTC)He says, breathing out hard enough that it's almost a laugh.
"Look, would you please begin? You don't have to agree with it, just take it as an intellectual exercise. As a muscle you're developing in advance of graduation, even if you don't organically perceive the need for it right now. Hippocratic oath. Full and informed consent."
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 03:41 pm (UTC)Elijah blinks slowly. Honestly, this whole experience is...novel. He's never had to consider the consequences of his actions on anything but an abstract, macroscopic level. He could watch the riots and discontent on TV from a hundred miles away, and then turn it off and enjoy the endless silence of his estate. Up against the raw face of Quentin's betrayal, exposed without barriers to his pain and anger, it's...
Unsettling.
He glances at his communicator, his message to Barnes; yes. He's doing that. Call it a lesson in aversion if nothing else.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-04 03:55 pm (UTC)He decides, into that blink.
"But if you accept that this is a useful wardening relationship, you should think about giving that advice a go."
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